A moment in ‘Presence’

The comment from Yogi brought to my mind an incident that happened few months back. It may be interesting for those who are trying to cultivate ‘mindfulness’. Many a times we aren’t aware of what lies in there for us.

 I had been practicing ‘mindfulness’ to some extend and developed a liking for it. Sometime later, I decided to go deeper and experience what it means to live completely in the ‘present moment’. I started becoming aware of my body, thoughts, movements and activities, emotions, things around, how the mind is reacting etc. And in few days, I was almost living in present moment (or at least that’s what it looked like). Mind was very clear and there were hardly any thoughts. I could more clearly see how the mind operates.

But this also had some adverse effects. One area that was severely affected was my memory. I started misplacing things and even lost a few of them. Even if I met someone and talked something, I did not recollect it later. And what is worst, even when I came to know that I had lost something, there was no feeling, no sense of loss. Work was another area that was affected, because the typical motivation factors like ‘proving’, appreciation etc did not have a place in the ‘present moment’.

But, it was a very creative state. There were lot of insights.

This particular incident happened on a Saturday. I was intensely in the present the whole day. Mind was almost blank. In the evening I went to a mediation session (I attend a weekly meditation session called the Sudarshana Kriya taught by The Art Of Living).This usually has an immediate and profound effect on the mind. On that day, after the Sudarshana Kriya, I became even more present. I was blank, no thoughts in the mind, but I was perfectly aware of everything around. I didn’t want to move and felt like being in that state forever.

After we finished the session we sat there as the Teacher was talking to us. She observed that many people weren’t coming regular and she asked if any of us could suggest something to motivate them.

 All of a sudden I got up, walked up to her, took the mike and started talking. It was as if someone was making me do this, It seemed as if I had no control ( I would have never done such a thing in my normal state of mind) I talked about being in knowledge etc and the words did not come from me, it was as if they came from somewhere through me. It was few minutes later that I realized what was happening and came to my normal state of mind. I did manage to cover it up somehow, I guess.

It was a profound experience that altered my whole understanding about myself. Later I stopped practicing mindfulness so intensely; I chose just to be aware. But when I looked back I think I was fortunate to have done it there; what would have happened if I walked up the CEO and told him he was not doing a good job?

 It’s perfectly possible. Because no logic operates there. You are just what you are, nothing more and nothing less

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2 thoughts on “A moment in ‘Presence’

  1. Chord

    Hi. I have the same results after following mindfulness i.e. paying attention:

    “But this also had some adverse effects. One area that was severely affected was my memory. I started misplacing things and even lost a few of them. Even if I met someone and talked something, I did not recollect it later. And what is worst, even when I came to know that I had lost something, there was no feeling, no sense of loss. Work was another area that was affected, because the typical motivation factors like ‘proving’, appreciation etc did not have a place in the ‘present moment’.”

    Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  2. Sajeev Post author

    Thank you for being here and for your comment..
    I read in the biography of Jiddu Krishnamurthy that he had almost recollection of hid life, except for very few instances. He couldn’t recognise his own brother(who was with Jiddu for about 30 years or so and died prematurely) when he saw his photo several years later. People who advocate mindfulness would argue that this is the right way to live, because those momories make your life linear. But the problem with us is that we switch between mind and no mind and I think it is impossible to have the best of both worlds.
    But don’t give up. It will take a while and the everything will undergo a natural correction.

    Reply

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